We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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