I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
