You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
