I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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