It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
