i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
