No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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