where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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