you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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