I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
