you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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