Only a mothe r could love this liver
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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