I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Houston, we have a blender
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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