It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
