Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize