My balls are so social today.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want nice things and good sex
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
