Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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