So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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