I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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