i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
