so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
