did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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