i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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