Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
