a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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