i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
