apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
so much tequila, so little girl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
