yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
