So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
