i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize