White coat. Heels.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
