I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
