Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
