Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
