i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
