That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
