i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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