Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
