What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
