Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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