i need an iv and a liver transplant
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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