As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
