One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
