it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
