im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
