I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
