I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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