I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
