turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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