Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
