thus making me awesome and them whores
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
