Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
