I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
