At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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