the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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