there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
