i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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