would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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