it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
