OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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