A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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