I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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