Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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