Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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