Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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