I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
