whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
