I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
