better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
