well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
