If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I just put wine in my tea
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
