I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
