what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
