If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
