They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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