The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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