remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
