Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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